This #FridayFlash is based on a prompt from the wonderful Eric J. Krause. He puts one up every week, so check it out if you need a little inspiration. You can find that prompt here. Thanks, Eric.
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The motel was one of those cheap and seedy enterprises on the edge of civilization, available to travelers and to locals with secrets to keep. Rhonda was one of the travelers. She’d gotten off the Interstate to get gas and got turned around when she tried to get on the road again. Now she was lost on a stretch of back road, and the sputtering neon “Vacant” sign was a beacon drawing her in.
She pulled into the motel’s empty parking lot, intending only to ask for directions back to the Interstate. She walked into the registration area and rang the bell on the counter.
A woman emerged from the back, annoyed at being disturbed. She looked at Rhonda with beady eyes that were nearly lost in the folds of her sagging face.
“Help you?”
“I’d like a room, please. Wait, no, I don’t. Can you tell me how to get back to the Interstate?” Rhonda didn’t know why she’d asked for the room. Saggy Woman looked her up and down. She put a registration card and a pen on the counter.
“You’re a traveler, then. That’s $49 per night plus tax. How many nights?”
Rhonda shook her head.
“I don’t really need a room. Just tell me how to get back to the freeway, please.”
Saggy Woman might have smiled; it was hard to tell.
“It’s late, sister,” she sighed. “Take the room. Get some sleep and start fresh in the morning. You don’t want to fall asleep at the wheel.”
“I guess.” A few hours’ sleep wouldn’t put her that far behind. She filled out the card.
“That’s what I thought,” said Saggy Woman. “Out the door and to your left. Sweet dreams, now.”
She handed Rhonda a key on a ring with a diamond-shaped fob bearing the number 6. Rhonda hoped the sheets had been changed more recently than the entry system.
The room was shabby and worn, but it was clean enough. Rhonda dropped her bag on the floor and stretched out on the bed. The pink glow of the motel’s neon sign seeped through the closed drapes onto the aged carpet. On the other side of the bed was the dresser. The big mirror above it was positioned directly opposite the window.
I bet that’s some glare in broad daylight, Rhonda thought. The decorators must not be into Feng Shui. That mirror reflects all the good energy right back out that window. If there is any good energy.
She must have fallen asleep, because she was jarred awake by the sound of a crash. She got up and opened the drapes to look out at the night. The parking lot was still empty except for her car. If there was an accident, it must have been down the road. All Rhonda could see was the cracked cement of the lot and the forlorn row of rooms across it.
Maybe she’d had a nightmare. It wouldn’t be the first time since Ed’s accident. Even after two years, she couldn’t shake her sense of guilt. If we hadn’t argued. If I hadn’t told him to get out. The litany threatened to shift into full gear if she didn’t distract herself. She wished she had some Scotch.
She went around the bed to look at herself in the bleary mirror. Her reflection was exactly what she expected: dark circles beneath her eyes, hair unkempt with the long hours on the road, thinner, older and harsher than she should be at her age. Maybe when she got to Santa Cruz, got settled into a new job and a new home, she’d be able to rest properly. Maybe the past would stay in the past.
Something shifted in the mirror behind her image. She turned sharply to look out the window, to see what had moved. There was nothing but the empty lot, pink under the neon. She looked back at the mirror.
Behind her reflection, the scene in the mirror changed. The parking lot dissolved and was replaced by an image of a rocky beach under a blue sky. Rhonda’s own reflection shifted, too. She looked rested, better fed, prettier, even happy. Mirror-Rhonda turned and ran up the beach.
I’m dreaming again, she thought, but she couldn’t look away.
Mirror-Rhonda was enjoying herself. She picked up pebbles and skipped them into the surf, laughing when they sank. She waved at other beachcombers as she headed toward a taco stand. Somehow she knew it had the best shrimp tacos on earth, and she couldn’t wait to taste one.
A guy came up and took hold of her arm, delaying the tacos. She felt annoyed that a stranger would accost her like that. She looked up to tell him where to get off, and stopped in her tracks. It was Ed.
There was a black tinge to everything about him. He was pleading for her to take him with her. If only she hadn’t told him to leave. If only she’d heard him out. His car wrapping around that tree was her fault. She deserved to keep him with her forever as her due penance.
Mirror-Rhonda looked away from him to the taco stand, at the beach, at other people enjoying themselves.
Make the right choice, Ed told her, trying to make her look at him again. But Mirror-Rhonda turned to look instead at real Rhonda.
Make the right choice, Mirror-Rhonda said. He chose to clean out your bank account and to sleep with that trollop at his job. He chose to drive drunk. He’s dead now. That’s his to deal with. Make the right choice.
The scene in the mirror dissolved again, and Rhonda saw the parking lot reflected behind her. She looked tired again, except that her eyes had a spark she hadn’t seen in years.
Rhonda got her bag and went to the front desk to check out. Saggy Woman might have been surprised to see her; it was hard to tell.
“Leaving so soon?”
“I got my second wind. How do I get to the freeway from here? I’m headed west.” Saggy Woman opened a map and drew the route in red ink for Rhonda.
“All right, traveler,” Saggy Woman said. “Don’t get sidetracked again. Happy trails.”
“I know where I’m going now,” Rhonda said. “Thanks.”
She got in her car and drove off, dreaming of shrimp tacos.
Marisa Birns
August 19, 2010
Well you did a fabulous job with Eric’s prompt! Loved the description and the flow to the story, and really liked the line: “I know where I’m going now.”
Last line was perfect! 🙂
Cathy Olliffe
August 19, 2010
Well, hello Rhonda! Never forget where you’re headed, girl, even thought the weight of guilt and coulda-wouldas threaten to drag you down sometimes.
Rocking story, Gracie, I swear to god your stories get better week after week.
If this was American Idol you’d be in the finals!
John Wiswell
August 19, 2010
It’s the places you didn’t go to or should have stayed at that really follow you. That travel you. Good that this traveler knows where to go next, though.
Eric J. Krause
August 19, 2010
Very cool story! Sometimes it takes a good hard look in the mirror to see the truth. From the sounds of Ed, she had nothing to feel bad about. He caused his own troubles. Well done!
Anthony Venutolo
August 19, 2010
Kinda creeped me out… Like a Twilight Zone. Awesome, nonetheless. Gripped me the whole way though.
yearzerowriters
August 20, 2010
I love stories that are almost entirely about the title and this was one great detour.
Well done
Marc Nash
Deanna Schrayer
August 20, 2010
Wow, Gracie, this is fantastic! I love what you did with the prompt, how unexpected it is, (as compared to where most people would take it). I’m sure I’m not the only one who expected Ed to pull her into the mirror and kill her. But your imagination is better than that cliche. Much better.
Wonderful descriptions throughout – I especially like the Saggy woman and her beady eyes. And that line: “I know where I’m going now” – perfect wrap up. Bravo!
Josie
August 20, 2010
I knew *something* was going to happen with that mirror – I love your imagination and how you wrote this – it sent shivers down my back again – and how the mirror helped her make an affirming choice for herself – very empowering! Great descriptions.
Kari Fay
August 20, 2010
I found this story through #fridayflash, really like it. I don’t think I can say much that hasn’t already been said though.
adampb
August 20, 2010
A wonderful supernatural/realism. Glad to know she has found her way. And the description “Saggy Woman” is perfect.
Adam B @revhappiness
Icy Sedgwick
August 20, 2010
I was about to say “When will people learn not to stay in sleazy motels?” but this one hides a not-entirely-unpleasant secret! Glad she’s finally seen the error of her guilty thinking and is determined to start afresh. Go Rhonda!
Tony Noland
August 20, 2010
Great story. I love how she was able to put the past behind her with that little bit of supernatural assistance.
J Dane Tyler
August 20, 2010
Wow, a fantastic Twilight Zone-y feel to this one. Amazing job on the descriptions and the tone, and the atmosphere was awesome. Reminds me a little of too many hotels I’ve seen and I could actually smell the room. “Saggy Woman” was awesome too. Another great entry. 🙂
Valerie
August 20, 2010
Nicely done with the prompt. Sometimes all a person needs is a new perspective. And of course, now I want shrimp tacos.
Anke
August 20, 2010
I really like this one. I’ve read more things that turned creepy towards the end rahter than starting creepy and ending good lately, and this was a nice change.
T.S. Bazelli
August 20, 2010
The opening had me worried this was a horror movie. Seedy hotel, big awkwardly obvious mirror, but I breathed a sigh of relief later on. I hope Rhonda gets to where she needs to go safely!
V.R. Leavitt
August 20, 2010
Gracie, I love it!! Wonderful imagery and excellent job with the prompt. Great stuff.
Joanie Rich
August 20, 2010
Amazing! I wasn’t sure how things were going to end up, and I was worried about Rhonda! I hope she gets a huge platter of shrimp tacos on the beach. ❤ Your attention to little details is really great. I felt like I was there with her.
lil_monmon
August 20, 2010
Loved it. Great story about a wandering soul in a purgatory of her own making. I really got a feel for everything. Great flow and I love the shrimp tacos. : )
ganymeder
August 20, 2010
That was a great take on the prompt! I love the Twilight-Zoneishness (is that a word? I don’t care) of this. At first I thought it might be some sort of purgatory, but in the end it felt like just the sort of magical rest stop she needed. Well done!
Mark Kerstetter
August 20, 2010
I love how the sage old woman seemed sinister in the beginning and grandmotherly in the end, perfectly reflecting Rhonda’s choice. This is a really good one.
TEC4
August 20, 2010
I was waiting for something Bates-ish to happen (I don’t suppose I’ll ever think of small, off-the-beaten-trail hotels any other way, at least until proven wrong), but instead got a new definition for traveler and a great story about choices. Very well done.
Elijah
August 20, 2010
Love the misdirection of the opening (that seems to be your intention). By the end, I felt like I was reading an entirely different story than it could have been from the beginning. Fantastically done!
Danielle La Paglia
August 20, 2010
Cool use of the prompt, Grace. I really enjoyed this story. And damn, now I want some shrimp tacos! 😉
Rachel Blackbirdsong
August 21, 2010
Excellent job the prompt. Great atmospheric tale. I like Saggy Woman and the way you introduced the mirror world.
Mari Juniper
August 21, 2010
Excellent take on the prompt! I thought she was going to be drained of energy or something terrible was going to happen. Love how the eerie feeling was for “the good” after all. 🙂
Pamila Payne
August 21, 2010
It’s the anti-Bella Vista, yea! I liked the way you used dread to build up empathy for Rhonda and then gave us a happy ending for her. Very satisfying.
mazzz in Leeds
August 21, 2010
I’m sure she’s going to arrive at her destination safely, and probably almost rested!
Very twilight zoney, as one of the commenters said. Sometimes, I guess you do need a detour to keep you on the right track…
PJ Kaiser
August 21, 2010
Oh, I like this one a lot. It’s the guilt about the past that can really eat us up inside. It’s hard to let go. I’m so glad that she found it in herself to cut the cord and move on. Hmmm, for some reason i’m craving shrimp tacos 😉
KjM
August 21, 2010
Oh Yeah! That turned around terrifically, and on a dime. Beautifully done.
Loved the “Don’t get sidetracked again…”
The feeling throughout this was great – the atmosphere palpable.
Excellent.
Maria Kelly
August 21, 2010
Loved this story, Grace. Love the line, “I know where I’m going now.” That’s ace. 🙂
Alan W. Davidson
August 22, 2010
I really liked the ‘Twilight Zone’ feel to this story, Gracie. Great job!
lauraeno
August 22, 2010
I liked this. It was strong and she got her life sorted out (even though I thought she’d checked into the Bates motel there for a moment) 🙂
Melissa L. Webb
August 23, 2010
Nice story! We all find where we belong in the end, even if we do need some help along the way. 🙂